Week 5 is upon us gentleman, and what a wild ride it’s been so far! Money is starting to be thrown around faster than when Dave makes it to Nitro after an 8pm Buffs game. Injuries galore, disgusting lineups, trade talks, and a few teams rising to the top. Let’s dive in!
1. Lemme See Your Pitts – Jake Odenweller
Team Captain: Puka Nacua / Breakout Star: Omarion Hampton / Bust Watch: Pollard?
Jakewitharake is starting to pull away from the pack early in the season. Puka and Amon is the best duo in fantasy, and Omarion Hampton is a solidified RB1 for the rest of the year. Waddle, as did Mason and Hampton, should benefit from the death of a teammate. Hurts still fucking sucks as an NFL QB, but that’s why they call this “fantasy” football and he will no doubt finish as a top option at the position. There’s not much going wrong for this squad right now, and Jake should continue to roll until a massive injury or two shake up his lineup.
2. Quantitative – Andrew Arney
Team Captain: James Cook / Breakout Star: Jake Ferguson / Bust Watch: AJ Brown
I feel like Andrew always lurks around the top of the rankings in this league, but this might be his most complete team ever. Nico hasn’t quite lived up to potential but he is trending in the right direction, and while AJ won’t finish anywhere near the Top 15-20, he’ll have his big games here and there. The real star of the show is of course James Cook (RB2), who continues to show his dominance on a weekly basis. Zay is a solid flex, Kamara will probably get traded to a better team, and Jake Ferguson is showing the world why it’s idiotic to draft a TE in the first 3 rounds. An overlooked part of this team is the QB room, as Drake Maye is currently QB4, and Justin Fields (much like Jalen Hurts) might be an awful real life QB, but a fantasy football wet dream. And as always, lurking in the shadows of a 6 car pile up, Rashee Rice is just waiting for his return to the spotlight. I will say, there’s a strong scent of Mickey Mouse to this team, but I don’t think it’s anything we should read into too much at this point.
3. Nabers Dead – Matthew Sherrick
Team Captain: Jonathan Taylor / Breakout Star: Woody Marks / Bust Watch: Devonta Smith
Did Sherrick get his fucking back blown out by Dave last week? Yes. Did he lose Malik Nabers for the season after a potentially career ending injury? Yes. Is he still in the Top 3 of the rankings? Yes. If there’s one thing the analysts know, it’s that they aren’t getting burnt by Sherrick again until they are 100% confident that he can’t turn the stove back on. With still the 2nd most points in the league, and getting a healthy JD5 back on the field, there’s no reason for Sherrick to panic quite yet. JT and JSN will get theirs, Tucker Kraft is a Top 5 TE, Monty will continue to steal touchdowns in Detroit, and Woody Marks feels like the next guy up in a long line of set-it-and-forget it rookie running backs. This team is in a fragile state, but if Devonta Smith can pick it up (BIG if) there’s no reason why Sherrick can’t piece together a competitive lineup every week.
4. Saquon Deez Nuts – Evan Tooley
Team Captain: Saquon Barkley / Breakout Star: Cam Skattebo / Bust Watch: Travis Hunter
MASSIVE JUMP IN THE RANKINGS ALERT! Evan, who came in at 10 last week, shows up at 4 in this weeks rankings. Let’s not forget, this team is a 2pt conversion away from being 3-1. Why do we love Evan’s team so much right now? The breakout potential. Skattebo and Judkins look like DUDES for their respective teams, and Saquon hasn’t even had a “Saquon” start to the year. Not to mention, this team is still operating with an injured Mike Evans and Lamar Jackson on the bench. And Dallas Goedert? He’s averaging 14 points per game. Deebo Samuel? He’s WR10. Just take a look at this potential lineup when fully healthy:
Lamar – Saquon – Judkins – Skattebo – Deebo – London – Goedert (Scary)
This lineup is complemented by solid depth pieces like Swift and Demercado ($38). Not having Lamar and Evans for a few week, while also having some players on a bye, is going to suck. But when healthy, this team is worthy of a Top 4 ranking.
5. Buck-ee’s – Quin Davis
Team Captain: CMC / Breakout Star: Tyler Warren / Bust Watch: Tee Higgins
Yes this team is 3-1, you wouldn’t think it when you take a look at the roster, but it’s a 3-1 team I swear. Bucky Irving might be dead, and that could spell disaster for this team. Mahomes, CMC, and Warren are pretty much putting the rest of this team on their backs, and until Dowdle, Tuten, and Henderson become clear cut RB1’s (it’ll happen) this team could be in for a downhill skid. OR, just maybe, this team will continue to get better and better and completely dominate everyone in it’s path. We’ll see.
6. Catching Cases, Not Passes – Giovanni Franzese
Team Captain: Jahmyr Gibbs / Breakout Star: Emeka Egbuka / Bust Watch: Brock Bowers
I have to give Gio some much deserved credit. Somehow he lost Tyreek Hill for the year, and the very next week he has the highest projected point total in the league. THAT’S CALLED DEPTH! Gibbs is Gibbs, we know he’s a dog. Emeka Egbuka? Rookie of the Year as of right now. Javonte Williams continues to eat in Dallas, and don’t look now but Marvin Harrison might be BACK. Herbert is a very serviceable QB, and RJ Harvey could start to carve out a bigger role for the Broncos. For where he was drafted, Brock Bowers is on bust watch (Geno Smith killed this man). And does losing Tyreek suck? Sure, but this team is still 2-2 and can put up massive point totals every single week.
7. Addison HenRae – Reed Pike
Team Captain: Quentin Johnston / Breakout Star: Quentin Johnston / Bust Watch: NOT Quentin Johnston
Quentin “$27 Man” Johnston. What a fucking story this guy is, as he’s currently the WR4 on the year, WIDE RECEIVER FOUR! Have Henry and Brown been kinda disappointing? For sure. Did Reed sit 5 touchdown’s and over 60 possible points on the bench last week in route to a loss? Yep he sure did. But despite those facts, let me read you the 4-6 WR’s in the league this year. Quentin Johnston, Garrett Wilson, George Pickens. That’s the 4, 5, and 6. And what do they have in common? They are all on Reed’s team. Oh and Hunter Henry? TE2. Oh and look at that, this team also has George Kittle, Jordan Addison, Matthew Golden, and Romeo Doubs. Jesus kid, how are you 2-2? I don’t think you’ll be .500 for long.
8. 1st Down Syndrome – Lance Taylor
Team Captain: Josh Allen / Breakout Star: Xavier Worthy / Bust Watch: Jerry Jeudy
Lance! My guy. You’re 2-2 kid, not a bad start at all. You’ve still got your 3 RB’s holding down the fort, along with the white hope Joshua Allen. Xavier Worthy is BACK and should be a no doubt WR1 going forward, and Wandale Robinson could be a very nice piece now that Nabers is dead. I also love that you’ve held Spears while on IR, he could come back and make an immediate impact. Are you going to win the league? No probably not. Are you going to finish above .500? I’m really not sure. But I can say with confidence you will win more that 3-4 games this year, and that’s called progress.
*9. Charlie’s Team – Drake Olson
Team Captain: Travis Etienne / Breakout Star: Ashton Jeanty / Bust Watch: Ladd McConkey
DRAKE! You’re also 2-2, and even though you beat Lance last week, I just couldn’t put you above him in the rankings. Etienne and Jeanty are both boom or bust, as are Sutton, Olave, and McConkey (although McConkey is way more bust than boom). You’ll get CeeDee back and this team will be looking pretty solid at that point, and maybe Caleb or Kyler will emerge as an every week starter. I think Travis Kelce finally sucks, but almost all TE’s do anyways. But don’t fear brother, Brashard Smith and Michael Carter (combined $42 of FAAB) will save the day and take this team to the next level.
*I’m angry that I don’t have Rachaad White so this ranking might be spiteful in nature
10. Creatine Caucasians – Jared Reiss
Team Captain: Zavier Scott / Breakout Star: Rome Odunze / Bust Watch: Brian Thomas Jr.
This team could honestly be 4-0 if everything had gone JR’s way so far. Instead, it’s gone the exact opposite. BTJ might as well be on the IR, Trey Benson IS on the IR, and oh so is Braelon Allen. Jettas is starting to show signs of life, Dobbins has been a consistent RB2, and Trey McBride will no doubt finish as a Top 5 TE. Rome Odunze is the real star of this team, as he has officially been passed the torch and is producing at a 20ppg clip. I really do think this team could be .500 by the end of Week 6, but things need to turn around fast – another injury could spell disaster.
11. CHASE’N TAIL – Dillon Reisinger
Team Captain: De’Von Achane / Breakout Star: Keenan Allen / Bust Watch: Ja’marr Chase
Joe Burrow getting hurt really sucks huh Dillon? But hey, still having Jakobi, Keenan, and Devante is a pretty awesome way to offset how bad Ja’marr has been. Achane and Warren as well? And Baker at QB? As many other teams in the league so far, I really don’t think you’re as bad as your record indicates, but for now you’re down here at the bottom of the barrel. As easily as you got to 1-3, just as easily could you get to 6-3. Okay maybe I’m overexaggerating, but I’m here to pump you up not tear you down.
12. Scary Tiddas – Dave Carney
Team Captain: Brandon Aubrey / Breakout Star: Justice Hill / Bust Watch: Everyone Else
NO 0-14 HERE! DAVE WINS! DAVE WINS! (This team is projected 88 points this week….) but still, DAVE WINS! Congrats on 1-3 my friend, I love your fight and how you don’t throw in the towel. As always, continue on your quest to shock this league.
Cheers – Commish.